true tales from the gates of the underworld

The F-Word
July 14, 2011, 10:30 am
Filed under: Life | Tags: , , , ,

A word with many meanings. A word I use a lot. It often seems the perfect response, and a way of defusing situation. As often as I use it, I don’t think I ever give it its real meaning.
I tend to underplay things, to deflect attention. Most people hear what they want to hear. Sometimes they just don’t care to ask further, or don’t care in the first place. Conversation fillers.

I am fine.
Actually, I don’t know. Or: I don’t want to talk about it. Or: I feel like crap, but that’s not what you want to hear. Or: none of your business.

It’s fine.
Do you really care? I am disappointed, but I don’t want you to know that. I am upset, but I am being passive aggressive. If you really cared, you would not be doing this. The situation is what it is, I can’t do anything about it, no point complaining.

Tomorrow will be fine.
 I really need it today, but you have better things to do. Whatever. I don’t want to have to deal with this.

Whatever suits you is fine.
Do I always have to sort out everything? Just pick a flippin’ day or time.

These are the conversations that fill our lives. We down-play, deflect and avoid confrontation, then get frustrated because nobody seems to care. I am guilty of this, I think we all are to some extent. Who likes a moaner?

But sometimes I say Actually, it’s not ok. YOU sort it out. It’s not what you want to hear.

Sometimes I want to scream and say I am not ok, help me, somehow, somebody. It’s not what you want to hear. You tell me That’s life, hun. As if I am supposed to feel like this. Or maybe because you regret that you asked in the first place. Yet you call yourself my friend, and those are few and far between. So I stick on the smile and say I am fine. Nevermind.


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