true tales from the gates of the underworld


Grieving with blankets
August 18, 2011, 6:21 pm
Filed under: Crafts, Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

I have been organising Nat’s memorial blanket today, in an attempt to not feel so helpless. It has been keeping me occupied, but provides no satisfaction. I would rather have my friend back. I would rather that her family have their mother and wife back. I wish I didn’t have to do this.
Grief is a funny thing. You look for purpose, for justification. You refuse to believe. You wonder why it couldn’t be some bastard paedophile who randomly died instead of her. None of this changes the fact that she is gone, none of it makes it any easier. Life is so unfair.
When Squidge screams I imagine the cries of the Spiderbabies, who have lost their safetynet, and I imagine Andy’s despair at it. When I talk to Raptor I think about how Iz is never going to be able to chat to her mummy. No more cuddles. It breaks my heart over and over again.
I will carry on with the project, will match wool donors to crafters, and marvel at the amount of people who want to be involved. I will do it for Nat, and her family, and I will do it for all of us, so we have something to cling to in these times when we wish she was still here.

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