true tales from the gates of the underworld


The eye of the storm
December 3, 2011, 6:54 pm
Filed under: Life | Tags: , , , ,

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Sometimes we go through life-changing events. A birth, a death, or both, for example.
After, you may spend time surrounded by those who are important to you, craving the closeness of those who can protect you, and those who are yours to protect – husband, children, parents. Evolution taught us to be like this. It didn’t, however, teach us what happens afterwards. When the parents go back to their far away homes, the husband returns to work, leaving you alone with your thoughts, emotions and possibly some small children who need caring for.
Anthropologically, women had strong support networks. Children were often brought up together by the women of the community, the older generations being there to support the younger with advice and words of wisdom as well as showing them how to deal with situations.
Today, we are left to our own devices, modern society not allowing for much else.
Being alone is difficult after a life changing event, and even the simplest things can turn into overwhelming problems. Then you adjust. You get used to the safety of your own space, the noise of your thoughts in the background, and then it is time again to take the next step: leaving the house and rejoining society.  Nothing could have prepared me for this prospect, so terrifying after days in the solitude of my own four walls. You set foot outside, and, surprisingly, nothing has changed. Everything seems louder, the noises merging into one big humming. The colours fade into one another. You imagine people staring at you. Everything is different, and it is only you who notices. It’s like being in the eye of the storm, only, you are the storm. It is happening right inside you, in your chest, your head, everywhere, while the world carries on as if nothing has happened. To them, it hasn’t. They can’t tell what you have been through, they can’t see that your life was irrevocably changed. These momentous changes are yours, and your loved ones.
It is the strangest feeling in the world.

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