true tales from the gates of the underworld


I wish you could see him
July 13, 2017, 4:47 pm
Filed under: Life, ND is OK | Tags: , , , ,

I wish you could see him the way we do. The joy and hunger for life, but also the struggle, every day. Everything is bigger, louder, more. Open. Intense. His laughter, his sadness, his love, his fear.

The energy that comes off him is almost palpable. To you he may appear calm, but you can not see in his eyes how his brain never stops ticking. How his senses drink in his surroundings. How he fights to keep them out and pull them in, all at the same time.

There is always movement. Most of the time, his whole body is in flux. Running. Round and round, upside down, tip toes, heels. Eyes wide open, to know, to feel, where he is. When he closes his eyes, he forgets, he stumbles, falls. 

Look closely. He pushes, he pulls, he squeezes and crashes. The longer he sits, the bigger it gets. Hands, feet, head, body; first gently,  then less so. The mask slips a little more with every minute, unable to hide the energy beneath it. Tension.

Talking, humming, singing, vocalising. Repetition. Vibration. Buzzing. 

He wants to be everywhere, all at once. He wants to know everything. When you think he isn’t listening, he may be deeply in thought. When he doesn’t say hello or goodbye, he may be avoiding the shift from having you there, to you being gone. Sometimes, being everywhere at once is just too much, but he can’t stop. He can’t shut it out. Tears fall. Walls cave in.

At night, when dark descends and the world slumbers, he is still awake. Senses wide open, mind alert. Even when his body is exhausted, there is no end, no rest, no respite. Sleep does not come. He can’t. The world won’t let him.

There are spaces, safe. Tight, dark, almost no space at all. Safe. Even there, he always seeks for more. Always more.

Do you see, do you understand? 

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