true tales from the gates of the underworld


An Open Letter to my Second-Born Child
May 1, 2016, 8:06 pm
Filed under: Life | Tags: , , ,

Dear Second-Born,

I am sorry.

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I am sorry for every time you have been overlooked – when you were born, each birthday, christmas, when you started school – by people because you are not my First-Born.
When instead of a visit and presence, you received a card in the post with money to buy yourself a present.
When instead of a visit and a card, your first day of school went unmentioned.
When your siblings received their ideal gifts at christmas, and yours was clearly an afterthought, as you grew out of that interest over 2 years ago. They would have known this, if they had come to see you, or asked about you.
I am sorry that they still don’t know how to spell your name.
I am sorry if you have ever noticed these things.
I am sorry if you have ever felt like you don’t matter. You matter.

I am sorry for every suggestion that we don’t care as much about you as we do about the First-Born, or the Youngest. I am sorry that people believe you suffer from Middle-Child syndrome, because they don’t understand Sensory Processing Disorder, or Autism, and all they see is some of your behaviour, separated from who you are.
I am sorry that people do not realise how awesome you really are because they would rather hold on to their stereotypes about middle-children.

I am sorry for every time I asked you to go back to your bed at night, because there is not enough room for 4 of us in our bed.
I am sorry for every time I couldn’t play Minecraft with you because I was dealing with the Youngest.
I am sorry that sometimes even I expect you to act like a neurotypical child, just because my patience is running thin.

I wish you knew how fiercely protective we feel of you.
I wish you knew that we love all three of you more than you will ever be able to comprehend, in your own different ways.
I hope you remember the times I have sat up with you at night, massaging your legs because your joints hurt, holding you because you had a bad dream, watching you breathe because you were ill.
I hope you remember that we always came to you when you called for us, the same as we always came for your siblings, because to us, you all matter the same.

I hope you may one day realise that the love we feel for your siblings does not subtract from the love we feel for you, but rather that it multiplies, as seeing you all together is just the best thing in the world.



Rainbows
December 12, 2013, 2:13 pm
Filed under: birth, Life | Tags: , , , , , , ,

Our Rainbow came into the world on monday morning, and all 9.5lbs of her are perfect.
Her birth was the most intense, beautiful, testing, divine, empowering experience of my life.
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Without words.
July 26, 2011, 7:19 pm
Filed under: Life | Tags: , , ,

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